THE ROLE OF PARENTS

It is natural for parents to feel as much or more anxiety than their child during the college selection process. Many find the process bewildering, either because it is their first time through it or because the nature of college admissions has changed dramatically since they were in high school. Others find that they cannot shake the feeling that their success as parents might be determined by whether their son gains admission to a certain college or group of colleges. Further, most parents have conflicting feelings about the process because it results in their child taking a large step toward independence from home and family. Add the fact that most parents try to keep their anxieties to themselves so as not to put unnecessary pressure on their child, and you can see why parents might also prefer that Precalculus midterm to the prospect of facing the college selection process.

Although we believe strongly that a student must feel certain that he owns the choice of where to attend college, we also believe that parents have an important role to play in the selection process. Specifically, they can help their son most by expressing clear support and understanding at each step of the process. This does not mean that parents should never express to their children their honest reactions to certain colleges or their opinions about whether or not other colleges would be a good match. It is critical, however, that such statements be balanced by a willingness to explore with the student the pros and cons of the colleges under consideration.

Who could serve as a more effective sounding board for a high school junior or senior than a non-judgmental parent? Who is better positioned to help with college visits, to proofread applications, and to work collaboratively with the student and the St. Albans counselor on behalf of the student? For all these reasons, we engage parents in the college process through mailings, personal appointments, phone calls, and on-campus programs. These activities complement St. Albans' inclusion of parents in many areas of their sons' lives at the School.

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